Detremental Shopping Spree
by Harlequin Jester x
Summary: Alice and Rosalie steal Bella away for some shopping, but something goes wrong.


_**Author's Note **__.. This is a (potential) one-shot via prompt from Pinkeop. The_ _announcement, "In a world where there is so much sickness and death and hurt, where no one can live in peace, stay innocent and be happy that's what god made you," was my prompt -- I couldn't find a good way to fit it in a shopping spree with Alice and Bella, so I just shrugged out of that responsibility..._

If you'd like to see more to this story (and find out just what's got Rosalie setting the store on fire), please leave a review!

_**Chapter One**__ .. Alice's Victory ( Bella's POV )_

I watched warily as my sister plucked another outfit from the collection in her closet. Alice held it up for my approval, but I quickly shook my head and crinkled my nose, making visible my displeasure. Alice sighed in agony and tossed her outfit aside before she folded to the ground and clutched the carpet.

"Bella!" she squeaked, staring up at me with a discomforting frown, "I forbid you to wear the abom--" I cut her off with a deathly glare, waiting patiently as she stumbled over the correct terminology. "I forbid you to wear the . . . the . . . sweat . . . pants . . ." Alice gagged, waving her hands dramatically, "and you forbid me to dress you in anything fathomably stylish! Just what exactly do you plan on wearing tomorrow?!"

"If you didn't feel the need for a Bella Fashion Show each and everytime we leave the house, we wouldn't have to go through this, Alice!" I sighed, leering across the room at her.

"But Bella!" she began, only to be cut off again when I hissed at her. I knew how disgruntled she became when I refused to sport her outfits like the perfect little model, but I had to draw the line somewhere! For heaven's sake -- couldn't a vampire dress herself?!

Alice bowed her head gravely and stared at the ground. I could hear the sobs erupting from her pixie-self, despite the lack of human tears. Her pain, even from something so trivial, was contagious -- before I could stop myself, I was sliding off of the edge of the bed to crawl toward her on the floor.

"Bella," she said softly, her tone level and flat -- nothing like my big sister at all, "if you won't wear what I've sanctioned... can we go shopping?"

Blasphemous! I fell for it everytime! "Ali--" I said, trying to protest, only to have the miniature vampire tackle me and squeeze me tightly.

"Oh, thank you, Bella! Thank you!" she squealed in delight, hugging me to her chest. It didn't do me any good to argue; if she'd seen it, she knew I'd buckle eventually. It was best to let her have her fun, even if I'd find the duration of our trip the most loathesome form of torture ever discovered.

"Rosalie!" Alice called, restraining me as I made my last ditch effort to evade their antics. As was typical, my blond-haired Aphrodite of a sister appeared in the doorway before I could get one arm free from the golden-eyed Tinkerbell that had trapped me.

"We're going shopping!" Alice chirped.

"Shopping!" Rosalie chimed, dancing on the spot. I doubt they even noticed as I groaned my displeasure.

While the pair deliberated on their outfits -- honestly, who dresses up to find more ways to dress up? -- I shifted uncomfortably on the bed, willing some sort of drastic change in the atmosphere. As if in answer to my prayers, I found myself locked within the arms of my loving husband.

"What's the matter, my angel?" Edward purred into my ear, pressing a loving kiss to my cheek. Jasper must have alerted him to my irritation and forlorn agony.

"We're going shopping!" Alice and Rosalie chimed in harmony. I groaned to acknowledge the truth in their words.

Edward chuckled as he nestled me into his lap. I tried not to think about the last shopping trip I'd been dragged into with these two as I leaned back into Edward's embrace.

"It can't be that bad," he commented nonchalantly as Alice and Rosalie sped in and out of the room multiple times -- they were comparing outfits, no doubt, and plans on my form of torment.

"Don't let them take me," I hissed. I tried to wriggle around in his grasp to face him, to get him to see the fear in my eyes -- he just laughed again and flashed my favorite smile. How could I stay upset with that crooked grin on his lips? His perfect, lucious, marble lips...

"If you behave," Edward whispered, watching as Alice bounced around the room with a mini skirt in each hand, "I'll give you a gift for your patience..."

"What kind of gift?" I asked, eyeing Rosalie as Alice disappeared -- now _she_ had a mini skirt in each hand... there wasn't enough fabric in both hands to make a decent article of clothing.

"A surprise," he purred, nuzzling his nose against my throat. I grumbled my objection, but had little patience for much else. I settled for snuggling as close as possible to his statuesque body while I waited for my sisters to contain themselves.

In five minutes flat, Alice and Rosalie were dressed up for our trip to the mall -- they adorned matching outfits consisting of a pink baby tee ( cleverly sporting 'Shop 'til You Drop' in white letters across the front ) and a pair of low-rise blue jeans. I put on my best scowl and reluctantly crawled from Edward's lap, though I refused to relinquish my hold on his hand.

"You'll be fine, love," Edward whispered, kissing the space just behind my earlobe. I melted against him a second time, but Alice's bouncing was just enough to cause the entire house to reverberate -- Jasper would be eager to have her giddiness out of the house, so I slowly crept off of the bed.

"Won't you dress up?" Rosalie asked, frowning as she scrutinized my outfit -- I was wearing a simple green sweater and khaki capris. "Suit yourself," she mumbled in return to my answering glare.

"Be safe," Edward said softly as Alice and Rosalie dragged me from the safety of the house at mach speed. I was lodged in the backseat of Rosalie's BMW, clutching what was left of my sanity. How did I get myself into these things?

If I hadn't thought it possible for Alice to do anything faster than dress herself, I was in for a frightening surprise -- her mouth moved a mile a minute as she wiggled excitedly in the passenger seat. Rosalie smiled and nodded in all of the right places, though I couldn't tell which 'places' those were... it appeased the pixie enough that she never paused for longer than a split second. Unfortunately for her, Alice didn't manage to goad a response out of me -- other than the occasional grunt of exasperation -- for the duration of the ride.

Somehow, though, their excitement was beginning to rub off on me. I found myself pondering over the many outfits we'd be dragging home with us... the many, many, many outfits -- they'd never drop, so the shopping was ceaseless. If any of these outfits amused Edward, I suppose it would be worth the tribulation of the trip itself.

"Bella!" Rosalie squealed. Five minutes in the mall and the pair had split up, leaving me shock-shelled between the food court and Hot Topic. I was wary of moving, fearing that one of the humans might rampage me in an effort to make it to a sale... "Bella, come here!" she huffed, waving an arm. Slowly, at something lesser than human speed, I crept over to the store.

"What do you think of this outfit, Bella?" Rosalie smiled, wagging the dress and matching undergarments at me.

"That... isn't an outfit..." I huffed, quirking a brow at her speculation.

"It is so! I wore something similar for Emmett last autumn... he loved it!" she squealed, fanning herself with the panties. I quickly snatched the clothes away from her, but as soon as they were in my posession, I regretted it. Rosalie was pushing me into the dressing room despite my best efforts to evade her.

"Change!" she snapped, slamming the door in my face. I obeyed wordlessly.

"Rosalie, what an excellent choice!" Alice fawned. I groaned at the thought of their speculative stares on the other side of the door. I tried to distract myself by gazing into the mirror, scrutinizing the outfit myself first.

It was a powder blue baby doll dress, fanning just so at the bottom... as always, I was more eagerly transfixed with my reflection than the outfit I wore -- even after a year of seeing Isabella Marie Cullen in the mirror, I couldn't recognize the beauty staring back at me.

"Bella! Don't make me come in there!" Rosalie hissed.

"Oh, Bella..." Alice sighed as I shyly opened the door for observation. "It looks so much better in person..."

"It's perfect!" Rosalie purred, priding herself in the pick.

"Try this on next!" Alice said, shoving a new outfit into my hands. "You're a _vampire_, Bella, let's try not to take three hours this time!" she said, giving me a knowing wink, "You look marvelous."

"In a world where there is so much sickness and death and hurt, where no one can live in peace, stay innocent and be happy that's what god made you," stated the intercom overhead -- I vaguely recognized the voice behind the mask, but I couldn't place it... maybe from a play?

"You should listen to the announcer," Rosalie said as I disappeared into my little cave of garments. "Stay innocent and be happy -- nothing's going to get you with us here, Bella," she promised.

"I..." I said, but Alice was shushing me from outside, urging me to dress.

This outfit was a pair of black slacks with a white, button-up shirt. It was very businesswoman, but I liked the way it made me look like an adult. I pounced out this time, eagerly awaiting their judgement with a proud smile on my mouth.

"Bella, get back," Alice hissed, pushing me into the dressing room while she followed discretely. "Be quiet," she ordered -- she was hardly whispering... no human could catch the words on that dainty pixie's breath.

_What is it?_ I mouthed, furrowing my brow at her. Alice shook her head and pushed me against the back wall, her eyes frantic as she gazed at the door, as if she willed it to open.

A loud, piercing scream was heard outside -- I immediately recognized it as my sister. I shifted behind Alice, aiming to lunge from the small room and run to her aid. She pushed an assertive elbow into my ribcage, successfully winding me.

"Sit still!" she growled, narrowing her golden eyes up at me. Why couldn't our shopping trips be _normal_ by any stretch of the imagination? My pixie sister was on her cell phone then, hastily humming words into the receiver -- two seconds, tops, and she was shoving it into her back pocket.

"The boys are on their way. Rosalie is creating a distraction for the humans -- she's created a small fire in the back of the store. Emmett will be causing more disorder on his way in -- the mall will be empty soon..." Alice said quickly and softly, placing a small hand on my cheek. "You'll be fine," she promised -- I couldn't tell if this was to convince her or me...


End file.
